Parenting teenagers can be likened to driving through a dark tunnel without an end in sight. Each twist and turn can make you feel uneasy, and each bump in the road can feel insurmountable. You might even begin to wonder if you’ll ever get through it.
If this describes you, please let me encourage you by saying, “There is light at the end of the tunnel.” This might sound cliché, but let me assure you, there will be a day when you see a glimmer of light as you emerge from the challenging season of adolescence.
My hope is that the principles I share in this post will give you an extra sense of direction as you navigate the unknowns. They made a big difference in the way we parented our teens, and I want to provide tips to help others as well.
Stop Trying to Be Their Best Friend
One of the biggest mistakes I see parents making with their teens is trying to be their best friend. Now, don’t get me wrong. I thoroughly enjoyed being around my kids and tried to build a positive relationship with each of them. However, in my opinion, trying to be your teen’s best friend without exercising your parental authority can cause a lot of problems, such as respect issues, blurred boundary lines, and misguided parent/child roles.
Instead of being their buddy, I encourage parents to maintain their God-given authority with love, wisdom, and a healthy dose of patience. Yes—your relationship with your teen is important and should be nurtured appropriately, but your parental guidance is necessary for raising successful adults.
Here are a few ways to build a healthy relationship with your teen:
- Keep the lines of communication open and try to listen more than you speak.
- Make yourself available to them, letting them know they can come to you with anything at any time.
- Have fun together and find things you both enjoy.
- Have difficult conversations with them, and don’t shy away from tough topics.
- Maintain your parental role and insist they treat you with respect.
Although it’s tempting to become more of a friend through the teen years, it can cause more problems down the road. Develop a strong relationship without compromising your job as a parent. You’ll be much happier in the long run.
Don’t Neglect Church Attendance
As your teenager becomes more involved in school clubs, part-time jobs, and social activities, it might be tempting to let church attendance slide. I highly advise against this as it’s important to nurture our children’s relationship with God as much as possible before they leave home.
If necessary, consider changing churches if your teenager isn’t flourishing in your current congregation. If they prefer a church where their friends are going, go with them! Keep in mind, this might be a temporary move to give your teens the best possible chance to connect with other Christians and grow in God’s Word.
I suggest researching youth programs in your community and having open conversations with your teen about their needs and interests. If your teenager tries to get out of church attendance altogether, it might be time to exercise your parental authority and insist they go along with the rest of the family. There are different views on this, but from my experience, it’s important to nurture their faith by insisting on church attendance as much as possible.
Open the Door to Their Friends
Having an open-door policy is one way to earn respect from your teens and their friends. After all, it’s reassuring to know who your kids spend time with and how they behave when they’re together.
Something Kathy and I did was host a weekly Bible study in our home for 50 high school students. We provided food and a friendly atmosphere where they could hang out, have fun, and study the Bible. This was an excellent experience for our family and could be for yours as well.
Here are a few more ideas for opening the doors to your kids’ friendships:
- Host movie/pizza nights at your house once a month.
- Let your children invite their friends on weekend outings.
- Get to know the parents of your kids’ friends.
- Host game nights, backyard BBQs, and holiday parties.
Make your home a safe and inviting place for your teens and their friends. This isn’t to say you can’t establish boundaries such as curfews, cleanliness, and orderly conduct, but it does provide a welcoming atmosphere where you’re able to connect with your kids and their friends.
Keep Track of Their Whereabouts
While there isn’t any way to keep track of your kids 100% of the time, there are ways to be informed of their whereabouts and make sure they’re where they’re supposed to be.
Now, if you think this is a violation of their privacy, be assured it’s not. It’s your responsibility as a parent to know what your children are up to and, to the best of your ability, ensure they’re not participating in compromising activities.
Here are a few ideas to help you keep track of your teen’s whereabouts:
- Jot down the odometer reading from time to time and see if their mileage adds up.
- Consider installing motion detectors or security cameras on the main levels of your house.
- Utilize phone apps that show where your teen is at any given time.
- Communicate with other parents to confirm your child’s plans with their friends.
This isn’t what I would consider a “fun” part of parenting, but keeping track of their whereabouts is a necessary part of being able to navigate the teen years successfully.
Require Honesty and Integrity
Although I saved this principle for last, it’s probably the most important of all. I believe that requiring honesty and integrity from your teen will go a long way in making the adolescent years both enjoyable and successful.
In 2 Corinthians 8:21 (NLT), it says, “We are careful to be honorable before the Lord, but we also want everyone else to see that we are honorable.” This is a great verse to share with your kids or memorize as a family. Point out the importance of displaying integrity in every area of life, including school, work, relationships, and even the times when no one is looking.
Being able to trust your teenager is a huge advantage in dealing with the issues that arise and is fundamental in developing your child’s character. Require your kids to tell the truth, even when consequences are involved. Remember, it is critical to practice what you preach.
Believe me; there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know the teenage years aren’t easy, but hopefully, these tried-and-true principles have been of help to you.
ACTION STEP:
Choose one of the principles from this post that you believe will benefit your teen the most. Write down one way you’ll start to implement it this week.
By the way, your feedback can support and bless someone else. Please do share your thoughts in the comments section.
