Welcome to this blog post on How to Officiate a Wedding.
I was ordained through our home church, Mariner’s Church, where I have had the joy of serving for many years. That journey has given me the privilege of walking alongside couples and families I know and love, and as a result have the had the honor of officiating several weddings.
Indeed, officiating a wedding is both an honor and a responsibility. Whilst it’s important to uphold the legal requirements, I believe the heart of officiating is about guiding the couple into a holy covenant – between each other and with God. In this blog I share with you my steps of preparation as well as some handouts with more detailed information that may be useful to you.
PREPARATION
The work of officiating a wedding begins several months before the actual day. Taking the time to think through the details beforehand will ensure a smoother ceremony. Areas to consider are:
Understand the legal requirement in your state/country – research on elements required to make certain the marriage is legally recognized.
Meet the couple – take time to learn the couples’ story, their values and their expectations for the day. I like to meet the couple several times before their actual wedding day. One of the first steps of getting to know the Bride and Groom is having them each fill out a questionnaire that allows them to share more about themselves. I have attached my version here for your reference.
Pray – reflect on your role and what the couple are hoping for. Take time to commit them to God.
CREATE THE CEREMONY
Once you have had time with the couple and understood their vision for their special day, you can develop the order of the ceremony. Take into consideration their beliefs, scripture passages, songs or any other elements they may have requested and build it into the ceremony.
Decide on the structure – think through the different elements of the program: the welcome, scripture readings, how the vows will be done, the exchange of rings, the pronouncement and so on. Write it all out in as much detail as possible.
Include Special Elements – most couples will have meaningful poems, songs or readings that they want included. Write these moments into the flow.
Brief Message – write a short message or blessing for the couple. Take into consideration what they have shared with you about themselves – make it personal and memorable.
Review – prepare your notes or script that you will use that day. Write them out fully and go through them several times so you are relaxed and comfortable. If available at the location, I like to load my notes on a teleprompter and use that for the service. This allows me to maintain eye contact with both the couple and congregation.
I have included two handouts – Wedding Timeline and Ceremony Template that offer an example of an order of ceremony and the time allocated to each step. Please have a look at them.
THE REHEARSAL
This is another opportunity to meet and connect with the couple. The rehearsal would often be close to the wedding day, so anxiety and tensions may be high. Help navigate this time and ease their nerves by keeping it lighthearted, but well organized.
Walk Through – walk through the ceremony with the couple and wedding party. Make sure everyone involved understands their entrances, where to stand and timing of things.
Clarify Moments – clearly explain to the couple what is required of them at each stage – saying the vows, exchanging the rings, when they are required to speak and so on. My handout Ceremony Guidelines breaks down the different areas they need to be briefed on clearly.
THE DAY OF THE WEDDING
Taking time to prepare in advance will give you confidence for the day. Areas to be considered are:
- Confirm with the couple beforehand any dress code requirements.
- Remember to be present in the moment; you are not just reading – but leading the couple and their guests through a holy moment.
- Remain calm, clear and warm in your engagement.
- Maintain eye contact with both the couple and guests – don’t look down too much at your notes.
- Remain flexible – sometimes things don’t go as planned – grace goes a long way.
- After the ceremony, ensure the marriage license is signed and filed correctly. Give the couple their copy of the license.
I share more items I consider for the day in the handout Wedding To-Do List, please take a moment to go through and add to it.
AFTER THE WEDDING DAY
Remember to stay in touch with them after the day, your role did not end the moment they walked down the aisle. Be available to meet with them and encourage them in their new season of marriage.
Being asked to officiate at a wedding is an honor and privilege; as a couple is asking you to help them create their story of love, faith and community. If you ever get the opportunity to do so, view it as a ministry and a unique way to serve and be a blessing.
Do you have experience in officiating weddings? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.
