I love to negotiate. My wife Kathy says I negotiate all the time. All our children are negotiators too. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
I enjoy negotiating because I see it as an opportunity to steward the resources God has blessed me with. I also see it as a unique space where I can form and build new relationships and be a witness in the marketplace.
In the Bible, we read of different negotiations that happened – Jacob negotiated with Laban for his wages for years worked (Genesis 30:25 – 31:55); Abraham interceded on behalf of the city of Sodom for God not to destroy them (Genesis 18:16-33); and Moses pleaded with God to have mercy on the Israelites (Exodus 32:9-14).
Though these examples don’t give us a solid playbook on how to negotiate; as a Christian, I believe we are called to a higher level and how we negotiate is important. I’d like to share with you three key negotiating tools that I’ve used over decades of doing business and are fundamental to my approach:
SPEND TIME IN THEIR SHOES
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.
Philippians 2:3
Start with this. Take time to truly look at the situation from the perspective of the person you are negotiating with. Try to understand their motives. What are they hoping to get out of this transaction? What concerns them? What do you know about them? What don’t you know? Typically, people focus on their own perspective and what they want to get out of it.
I’ve found this often results in hard, difficult and challenging conversations.
By understanding what they are negotiating for, I then try to provide most of what they are looking for. I recall once being in a negotiating meeting, during our discussion I told the other party I didn’t think they were making enough on the deal. For about 10 seconds the room went silent, and they eventually spoke up and said they were thinking the same. When you factor in the other people’s motivations and goals, you connect with them better. I take an approach where at the end of the day, the party on the other side of the table likes me. Not necessarily loves me. But a shared appreciation provides the best environment for the transaction. Your understanding of them is a natural way for them to like you. If you are viewed as fair and considerate, you get a successful mutually beneficial deal. It also serves you well down the road when working with the same party again.
This is not a new concept, but in my experience, this is the one key rule that has made the biggest difference. Seeing things from their viewpoint and thinking through all the different angles they are likely to come at it, gives me a lot of insight.
LOOK FOR THE WIN-WIN
Good will come to those who are generous and lend freely, who conduct their affairs with justice.
Psalm 112:5
I’ve always had a win-win philosophy in life and business. In all negotiations and deals I do, I try and look for the win-win scenario. I like being in transactions where both parties are winning, and if not, both parties are losing and are working hard together to get back to winning. I avoid situations where somebody’s winning and somebody’s losing, even if I’m the winning guy, because it won’t last. There is no longevity in that. It is important that you define clearly all the things you want out of a negotiation. What do you hope to achieve? Break it down, make a list and then look at the priorities. Make sure you are clear on where you are and how you’re going to win at the end of the day. To the best of your abilities, identify the negatives because there will inevitably be some. Knowing upfront gives you the opportunity to mitigate some of them.
During a negotiation there is a point where I aim to educate the other person – not to talk down to them, but to help them see the full scope of the deal and set the transaction up for success. In my experience, many people who come to the table aren’t fully informed, so offering clarity ensures everyone is making decisions with the complete picture in mind. Through the process, I am able to determine if they feel good about the negotiation. It may take a while, but if they understand and appreciate where I am, they may be more willing to see it through.
THE BALL IS ALWAYS IN YOUR COURT
Generally, the world teaches if you have done your part, the ball is in the other persons’ court and you don’t have to think about it until they hit it back to you. You can move on and pay attention to other things. I believe however, if I want the deal done, then the ball is always in my court. I don’t send anything out that I don’t have a follow-up system for. There is no ball in somebody else’s court; it is in mine until it’s done.
So, I’ve set up a follow-up system that has served me well. Once we agree on a date or goal, you will receive a reminder from me. Everyone that works for me knows this too. The ball is always in their court, and they have to subscribe to this.
ACTION STEPS
Read through some additional tools of negotiating that I have found useful over the years. If you are currently in a negotiation, do an audit and gauge your position. Do you have a good understanding of their goals and motivations? Have you clearly defined your priorities? Have you set up a reminder system? Focus on these key areas and push for a better negotiated deal.
