GO ABOVE AND BEYOND
Going above and beyond in your marriage might sound difficult, but often, it’s the little things that matter most. Over time, as the years go by and responsibilities grow, couples tend to take each other for granted in certain areas. To counter this, I encourage you to connect with your wife in ways that make her feel loved and valued. Let her know she’s thought of throughout the day. Involve her in your work life. And, get away regularly. From my experience, these things have strengthened our marriage and made a real difference in how we relate to one another.
GIVE GIFTS (Just Because)
I’m a gift giver, and gifts aren’t even my wife’s love language! I do it because I want to, not because I expect anything in return. The thing is, gifts can be as simple as a handwritten note or thoughtful card. Or, they can be a bit more elaborate like a piece of jewelry. When Kathy and I got married I would leave her little sticky notes on the mirror, by the sink, in a variety of places; and I was always encouraged how these notes sent a strong message that told her I was thinking of her. Giving gifts “just because” is a way to say, “You matter to me.”
Recently, I did something that ended up being more special than I thought. I’ve kept all the cards my wife has given me over the years, and I found one she’d given me at least ten years ago. It was a really cute card with really nice words in it. We went to lunch, and I brought that card with me. Pulling it out, I said, “Remember when you gave me this card?” She looked at it and said, “I do remember that card!” She read the words she’d written all those years ago and smiled. Then she asked, “You kept this card all this time?” When I told her that I keep all of her cards, it really made her day. That one little thing led to an awesome moment—a moment that said, “I cherish you.”
Another gift idea is to write her a love poem. (I used to be great at poems!) In fact, I proposed to her with a 14-stanza poem with the last stanza being the proposal. I then went on to write poems for every major anniversary—with as many stanzas as the year we were celebrating.
It’s unique gifts like these that matter most. I encourage you to come up with something you can give, whether it be a store-bought gift or a personalized gift that you make. And even if your wife’s love language isn’t receiving gifts, she will appreciate your thoughtfulness through and through.
CONNECT HER TO YOUR WORLD
One of the biggest traps I’ve seen over the years, especially as your company/career grows, is losing the connection between your wife and your business. If you don’t find ways to keep your wife involved and engaged, your career may very well become a negative entity in her mind.
It can be easy to believe that what you do during the day will automatically translate into your wife’s respect and admiration, but the truth is, it will be quite the opposite if you don’t involve your wife in your business goals and accomplishments.
Find ways to connect your wife to your world. Communicate with her and share both the wins and the losses. Share the joys and the struggles. This will help your business/career be more of a marital partnership instead of a business “mistress.”
Consider these practical ways of connecting her to your world:
Ask her advice about things—big and small. My wife Kathy is one of the most insightful people I know. She is wise and has a strong instinct about people which has proved to be very useful in business decisions and our foundation.
Implement some of her ideas and thank her for them.
Pray about the struggles together.
Celebrate the wins!
Connection is essential in making your wife feel like she is number one, and connecting her to your business is one way to keep her fully engaged in every part of your life.
GET AWAY AS A COUPLE
The one thing that has kept the spark alive in our marriage is getting away as a couple. Every single time, it reminds us why we got married in the first place, why we fell in love, and why we love spending time together.
From my experience, when we get busy with the stuff of life, those things take priority because they’re urgent. Family issues are time-sensitive, and it’s easy to get in the routine of dealing with what is right in front of us.
That’s why getting away—just the two of you—is essential to the strength of your marriage. For Kathy and I, we have gotten away at least two weeks a year for every year we’ve been married. This has worked very well for us. I encourage you to lean into it Even a simple date night will help you get away from it all and reconnect. If possible, stretch it into a weekend or even a week. If there’s too much time between trips, you’ll forget how wonderful it is to be alone together. It is important to maintain enough of your relationship that is not just focused on family needs. You’ll get in the rut of living in the day-to-day without investing in each other. Don’t allow your marriage to get to the point of complacency. We all know of couples that raised their family and got a divorce because they didn’t have anything in common. Those days alone are valuable. Make it a real “grand slam” by preparing and planning ahead. Make it something you both want to do again. Take a minute and read through the handout Smart Traveling Husband where I share more on how to make your get-aways more memorable for the two of you. Being alone out of your normal environment is a great investment in your marriage; and bear in mind when you become empty nesters, get ahead of it and plan for even longer extended travel time together.
Going above and beyond in your marriage isn’t difficult. There are always little things you can do that make a huge difference. It’s simply a matter of making your wife a priority, thinking of her often, and showing her how valuable she is. I believe you’ll see a greater connection with your wife just by putting these things into practice.
I hope you’ve been encouraged by this post today, and inspired to make even the smallest “above and beyond” investments in your marriage. After all, it’s often the little things that matter most!
ACTION STEPS
Would you like to go above and beyond to show your wife how valuable she is? Give her a gift “just because.” Surprise her with something unexpected today, and watch as she is deeply touched by your thoughtfulness!
