DREADED CALL
I’ll never forget getting that phone call on December 7, 2013. I just knew I was going to get good news. I was confident because that’s the way my life has been – good news. I saw the doctor’s number appear on my cell phone and he said “Paul, I hate to tell you. You have cancer and you may only have three years to live.”
He said a few other things, but what I remember is “You have cancer. You have three years to live.” It hit me like a ton of bricks. And my mind immediately went to the things that I hadn’t done but still wanted to do. I want to see my kids get married, I want to meet my grandkids, I still have a lot of life left in me.
I had lived for a long time thinking, God, if my life ended sooner, I couldn’t complain. It has been such a good life. But in light of that conversation, I felt fearful, as I thought, ‘now God knows I think this way.’
GOD CAUSES EVERYTHING TO WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
Romans 8:28
Kathy, my wife, had gone through this cancer journey several years earlier. I remember watching her fight this battle with cancer and we decided to face it with a lot of prayer and the miracle of medicine. Drawing from this, within ten to fifteen minutes of receiving the news, my mind started to move to Faith. I remember clearly feeling that God was not done with me and still had work for me to do. We engaged our prayer network of friends and family and sent out a prayer letter bi-weekly, updating on treatment and requests. I had hundreds of people praying for me throughout my treatment and we witnessed miracle after miracle of prayers being answered.
The beauty of cancer is that it gives you the opportunity to change. I’ve written goals my entire life, and generally speaking, many of my goals show up on next year’s list because I didn’t do as well as I would have liked the previous year. Contemplating that I may only have three years left, changed that.
I have always loved to journal and reduce my thoughts to writing. During my time of treatment, I found myself reflecting on whether I was investing my time, talent, and resources exactly how God and I desired. It was an intense spiritual time and God spoke a lot to me. If someone had told me beforehand, “Paul, you’re going to be diagnosed with cancer and you’re going to have five things you want to change in your life.” I would have thought that made sense. But if they had said, “Paul, there’s thirty-five things that you’re going to want change in your life.” I would have said, “No way!” Reason being, I have always lived my life in an intentional manner. Thinking through things and being on track with where I believe God wants me to be. Yes, there is always room for improvement – but thirty-five? There’s just no way!
However, through my own personal prayer, prayers from family and friends; God’s voice was amplified. Over a ninety-day period of prayer and journaling He gave me thirty-five changes that I wanted to make in my life.
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
Romans 5:3–5
HOPE NEVER DISAPPOINTS
Once you’ve had cancer, everyone around you supports you in your desired way much better than normal. The wonderful thing about every change I desired to implement in my life, is if I truly only have three years or thirty years left, these are all great changes . A few of these changes I have wanted to make for a long time, and I now find that having wrestled with cancer, the changes are actually easier to make. I had already begun to implement over half of these changes, and it felt great. I am confident they will last for the rest of my life. For the first 5 years I reviewed my list of 35 changes every month and once a quarter after that. After a recent unsettling episode, I was reminded to reflect deeply and make it a priority to live each day with greater intention. As a result, I amended the list further and included more elements for change.
A FRESH PERSPECTIVE ON GOAL SETTING
Every year for the past 30 years, I set my yearly personal goals. Every quarter I would reflect on my progress. I never accomplished all my goals and most of the time did “just ok” in meeting them.
I believe having the focus to “live like you’re dying” gave me a new perspective and motivated me to work on my goals in a different way. I decided to start grading myself on each goal and track changes over time. Quarterly, I would ask myself; ‘Did my grade improve or decline over time? If so, what specific areas?’ Each quarter I also evaluate any areas I should be letting go of set goals.
LIVE LIFE NOW
I’ve always liked the verse in Psalm 1, “like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit in each season.” It is such a nice picture of life. Majority of us desire to live a life where we bear fruit in each season. To do this we must be strong, have deep roots and be anchored in the Lord. For me, this verse really connects with the thought of living like you’re dying… “Am I that tree?”
Most of us live like we are going to die of old age, even though we know today could be our last. In reality, most of us die unexpectedly and it is too late to make any real significant changes. We should be asking ourselves, “if I can’t control when I die, what do I need to do differently today to finish the race well?”
My hope and prayer for you is that reading my experience will somehow encourage and inspire you to make a few course corrections to help ensure you are moving more towards the person God is calling you to be in life.
ACTION STEPS
I’ve shared a copy of my list of 35 Changes as well as a more recent list of new areas of focus. But I hope it does not end there for you. After you read how I was inspired to change my life, I encourage you to take some time to contemplate your own life. Set aside an extended quiet time to sit, think, pray and journal about what you would do differently if you only had three years left to live. Think through, as best as you can: Am I where I want to be? Am I living life the way I want to live? You may be surprised by what you hear.
Then don’t stop there. Identify a starting point and every quarter grade yourself on each item listed and see how you are doing. Use the three-year mark as a motivator to make real progress. You’ll see over time that you do better in some areas than others. Make the necessary adjustments and remain intentional.
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