MAKE HER NUMBER ONE

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Ephesians 5:25 NIV

Is it your goal in marriage to make your wife feel like she is number one? Following your relationship with God, does your wife know—without a doubt—that she has first place in your life?

These are important questions to think about, especially as you become more successful in your business. You see, the business world will build you up and even make you feel like a superstar at times. But when everything seems to revolve around you, it can cause major issues in your marriage.

From my observation, some marriages do okay with each partner championing their own cause. But in many cases, it causes division rather than the oneness God desires.

Husbands, I encourage you to make your wife number one. As you grow in your walk with God—and grow in your business—make your wife a top priority. It will be the best thing you can do for your marriage and your career.

Here are a few practical and Spiritual tips for making your wife number one:

BE HER SUPERHERO

I’m no superhero, but if I could love my wife Kathy as much as I love myself, we might have a perfect marriage. That’s really what our calling is—to love our wives as much as we love ourselves.

This calling is a higher calling of love than what the world defines. It’s a superhero kind of love that goes to great lengths. The intense love we experienced on our wedding day may have faded, but we can—and should—work hard to reignite it.

In the book, 7 Ways to Be Her Hero by Doug Fields, men are warned that if they chase anything else at the expense of their wives it will be like chasing after the wind. To be your wife’s real-life superhero, stop chasing the wind and start chasing her! Your relationship with her is far more meaningful than any money you could earn. Her happiness is far more important than any work achievement. Just as you pursued her before marriage, devote that much time, energy, and thought into pursuing her again. Rekindle the love you felt in the early days and fan the flame of romance once again.

SUBMIT MUTUALLY AND RESPECTFULLY

The world’s view of submission is to exert your power and make the other person back down. The Bible, however, says to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5: 21)

From my experience, we live in a world where winning is important, and like most men, you probably like to win. In marriage, you have to decide when to win and when to concede. If you and your wife both fight to “win at all cost,” it will destroy the marriage.

Instead of working hard to win, work hard to yield. Stop the petty arguments before they start. Believe me—good will come from this. After all, once an argument starts, constructive communication ends.

In relating this to business, negotiating, maneuvering, and arguing your point are things you are comfortable with. And sometimes, these things are important to the success of your business. But when it comes to marriage, I suggest you “stay out of the courtroom.” Leave your business skills at the office. Treat her like the equal partner that she is. Stop arguing your point and look for ways to gracefully exit the “courtroom.”

Submission isn’t a favored concept in the world, but it’s part of God’s unique design for marriage. Out of reverence for Christ, submit to each other with mutual respect, honor, and gratitude.

INVEST IN HER EMOTIONAL CURRENCY

As husbands, we are supposed to be the head of our marriages, but our approach should be humble servanthood. Investing in your wife’s emotional currency involves humility, love, and selflessness.

One way to invest in your wife is to listen well. How many times have you half-listened to her as she shares the events of her day or the burdens of her heart? We’ve all done it. Especially after a long day at the office, we struggle to listen—really listen.

I suggest trying a few of these things to let you wife know she is heard:

• • Turn off your phone.
• • Turn off the T.V.
• • Look her in the eyes when she’s speaking.
• • Ask questions.
• • Offer encouraging feedback.
• • Listen more than you speak.

In my opinion, listening intently is one of the greatest investments you can make in your marriage. Offering your undivided attention and actually engaging with your wife will make her feel heard, valued, and worthy of your attention.

Here is a handouts titled Creative Conversations for Couples where you’ll find easy conversation starters to encourage meaningful interactions and thought-provoking questions.

LIVE IN ONENESS

Something that keeps me in line as a husband is God’s design of oneness in marriage. It can be helpful to constantly ask yourself these questions:

• Is what I’m doing moving us towards oneness or division?
• Am I asking my wife to join me in making decisions for our family, or am I making all the decisions?
• Are we doing great things together or separately?

We all love the idea of  “divide and conquer,” after all, we get more done this way. But clearly, God is telling us that when it comes to our spouses, everything we do should lead us to oneness.

Something that has helped me keep a “oneness” perspective, is journaling what I love about my wife. I write down what I appreciate about her so that I don’t lose sight of how important she is to me. When I share the things I’ve written, I’m assuring her of her value she brings to my life. This is a special way of showing her she is number one in my life.

Next to God, make your wife number one. She deserves your time, attention, and emotional investment. After all, you were designed to be one with your wife. And as you continue to be the husband God has called you to be, you’ll reap the rewards both in marriage and in your business.

As you begin to follow my blog and pursue opportunity for growth, it is helpful to do an assessment on various topics of life.  If you haven’t already, I encourage you to go to my blog online and take the Current Conditions Assessment.  I believe it would be helpful to take this assessment annually and revisit how you are growing in faith and life.

ACTION STEPS:

Does your wife know she is number one in your life? Start today by choosing one way to make your wife feel appreciated. This might include giving her the afternoon to herself, booking a massage, or cooking dinner. Whatever you choose, be your wife’s superhero today by making her feel loved and appreciated—she deserves it!

It is my hope that this blog has been a big encouragement to you, as you determine to make your wife your number one priority.  I believe it’s one of the best things you can do for your marriage, your family, and your business.