Neff Family House Considerations

As our children were growing up, my wife and I decided to be proactive in letting them know what our family expectations were. Especially in the areas of respect for one another and for our family home, we provided clear guidelines for them to follow.

When we were creating this document, we had the children give their input. We didn’t just create the rules ourselves; we came up with the idea and shared it with the children, solicited their input and reached an agreement. By allowing them to provide input and agree with our considerations, it drastically reduced conflict down the road.

Because we wanted to foster a sense of love and kindness through our family considerations, we preceded the guideline with the following paragraph: 

“In order to make the experience as positive as possible, please extend others the courtesy of following these household guidelines. We feel these requests are reasonable and will make for an enjoyable, peaceful & fun time in our home. We kindly request you respect the following household considerations.”

Having this detailed guideline helped remove the guesswork and gave our children clear instructions as to what was expected. To make it easy, I’ve created a handout for you with a list of items you might want to discuss with your own children. Those that don’t apply, you could easily remove and create your own list. You can download a copy of this list by clicking here.

I hope after reading this post you’ll be inspired to develop your own family house considerations and encourage an environment of love and respect in your own home.

Here’s a breakdown of what we included in our guideline:

 

BASIC HOUSEHOLD UPKEEP

It was Earl Hamner Jr., creator of the long-running television series The Waltons, who said, “Every child must have chores to do. It gives them dignity in work and the joy of labor.”

My wife and I created the Neff Family House Considerations not only as a list of household expectations, but also as a way to encourage a strong work ethic in our children. We wanted them to be mindful of their surroundings and respect the home we provided for them. 

Here are the tasks we included:

1. Bedroom and bathroom will be kept clean and picked up at all times.
2. In upstairs bedrooms, please remove shoes before walking on the carpet.
3. Do not leave a trail behind you in the house. Please keep things picked up, and straighten up rooms when you leave.
4. Dirty clothes are to be placed in the hamper in the laundry room when ready for wash; dirty clothes are to be kept in a hamper in your room – not on the floor.
5. Dishes are placed in the dishwasher, except for hand-washing items (plastic, pots, pans, knives, etc.) which should be hand washed immediately after use.
6. Nothing wet (bathing suits, towels, etc.) shall be left on any furniture or carpet, nor shall wet towels or bathing suits be hung over glass shower doors or left outside.
7. Household carpets are to be protected.  Nothing shall be placed on carpets unless a towel or blankets are put down first. 
8. Lights, tv, and music are to be turned off in rooms that are not occupied. 
9. While living at home you will be requested to do your share of weekly chores.

These tasks weren’t the only things expected of our children, but they were basic everyday things we wanted to them to be mindful of. By having these things written down, it prevented a lot of headaches when it came to keeping things in order. I believe these expectations were beneficial not only in training our children to care for our home, but also for their future homes.

 

FRIENDS AND GUEST GUIDELINES

While we always wanted to encourage healthy friendships and a home where our children’s friends could gather, we recognized the need for a few basic guidelines to help things run smoothly. After all, we didn’t want any mixed messages about what was allowed and what wasn’t, and this simple list of considerations helped clear up any confusion.

Here are the things we included:

1. We take very good care of our home and we would ask for all of our guests to do the same.
2. Please eat and enjoy your food only at the appropriate tables.
3. No person of the opposite sex is allowed in the bedrooms.
4. All interior doors are to remain open when there is mixed company in the room.
5. Guests are to use the office or downstairs guest bathrooms.
6. Guests may spend the night at our home when Mom or Dad is in the home.
7. No parties, please. Our home is not a place for parties.
8. Any damage by you or your friends will be repaired or replaced at your expense.
9. No drugs whatsoever are to be brought onto our premises.
10. The entire house is a non-smoking environment.
11. No pets are allowed inside of our home.

Of course, this list didn’t cover all the topics concerning our children’s friendships, but it set the standard for guests in our household. Over the years, we had many conversations about relationships and other topics, as you can read about in the post titled, Communication – It Matters More than You Think.

 

BORROWING THE FAMILY CAR

If your children are young, you might not be thinking about the years when they will be driving or asking to borrow the car. However, I believe it’s important to think about these things and include them on your list of family considerations.

Here are a few of the things we outlined:

1. Children borrowing family cars must wash them two times a month.
2. The individual using family cars is responsible for the gas. Please return the car with at least the same amount of gas it had prior to the trip.
3. Mom and Dad will be responsible for maintenance, repairs, and insurance.
4. If you have an accident, you will be responsible for the insurance deductible.
5. No family member borrowing a family car is authorized to loan the car out to any other driver without Mom or Dad’s prior permission.  We have a very complicated insurance structure for everything in our world, and an accident by a non-family member will cause us problems.

Nowadays, many insurance companies encourage a technology called telematics. Using the car’s Event Data Recorder or a plug-in device supported by insurance companies, parents can keep track of their teen’s driving habits including speed, distance, harsh-braking incidents, and seat-belt use. In my opinion, this is a great technology I wish was available when my children started driving.

 

WHAT MOM AND DAD PROVIDE

To sum up our Neff Family House Considerations, we included a section detailing what we would provide for our children. This wasn’t a comprehensive list, but rather a general reminder of what we were happy to provide for them. For a detailed version of our household provisions, please see the post and handout titled Children’s Expense Letter.

Here are a few considerations we included:

1. Rent-free living space
2. Stocked refrigerator and pantry for meals
3. Laundry services (dry cleaning per expense agreement)
4. All household expenses (including utilities, cable and Wi-Fi)
5. A loving, supportive environment

Ultimately, our Neff Family House Considerations benefited our family greatly. Not only did they provide a basic list of expectations, they prevented many conflicts from arising. Of course, your family considerations list will look different than ours, but my hope is that our example will inspire you to create your own guidelines that will foster a sense of love and respect in your home.

 

ACTION STEP:

Schedule a date with your spouse and create your own family considerations. Remember, this doesn’t have to be perfect and can always change as your family grows.

By the way, I’d like to know your thoughts on this topic. Please share your feedback in the comments section; and help other readers too.