Mentoring Men
In Faith and Life
New Life Lessons Posted the First and Third Tuesday Each Month
Although my mentoring is directed towards helping men, much of the content I share is helpful for women as well.
Therefore, I welcome women to follow my blog and gain insight from the tips, tools, and resources I offer.
Thank you for reading! – Paul
About Paul NEFF
Born 1955
If you’re new to this page, I heartily welcome you. My name is Paul Neff, and I have devoted the latter part of my life to mentoring.
Humble Beginnings
I was adopted at birth by two wonderful people who were in their 40s. They raised me in a Christian home and I enjoyed a phenomenal upbringing with two very supportive parents.
I had always known my birth mother was from Switzerland, and that for her 20th birthday, she had received a boat ticket to America. Before she left, however, her boyfriend had convinced her to be intimate, and when she arrived in America, she discovered she was pregnant.
My adoptive mother took my birth mother in when she was five months pregnant and cared for her for the rest of her pregnancy. They became trusted friends, and eventually, my birthmother asked if she would help her find an adoptive family, but instead she and her husband decided they wanted to adopt me. What a courageous decision it was—in 1955—to adopt a child when already in your 40s!
For 50 years, I never had any desire to search for my birth parents. I always thought that pursuing my birth mother might somehow take away from the relationship I enjoyed with my parents. It wasn’t until I turned 50 that God placed this on my heart: Don’t you want to tell her “thank you for choosing life,” and let her know just how well your life turned out?
I was immediately overwhelmed with emotion and answered, “Absolutely, yes!” So, I hired a private investigator who specialized in finding birth parents and ventured out on a three-year journey, tracking her from Switzerland to New York, and ultimately, to Denver, Colorado.
I thought there was a very good chance she had not told her husband about me, and out of respect, I wrote her a letter rather than calling or visiting. In the letter, I thanked her for the gift of life, told her about my family, and said that I would love to communicate with her if she desired (but completely understood if that wasn’t practical). I enclosed a self-addressed envelope and notecard, and asked her to write me back so I could stop my search.
I asked the private investigator to deliver the letter only when he was sure her husband wasn’t at home. The day we received the call, I was at home with Kathy. He told us that after five attempts, he was finally going to the door to deliver the letter.
Immediately, we prayed for God to prepare her heart to receive it. I didn’t know if her pregnancy with me would be a painful memory or be remembered as the biggest mistake of her life, so we prayed for her to have an open heart.
Twenty minutes later, the phone rang. It was her. We enjoyed an incredible hour- and-a-half conversation. She shared how thoughtful I was in sending her the letter when she was alone, but then shared that her husband and both of their sons had always known about me—thanks to my adoptive mom. Years earlier, she’d told my birth mother, “When you get married, tell your husband about Paul.” What an incredible blessing! My wonderful adoptive mom was such a truth-teller, which is where I received my strong dedication to honesty.
My Childhood
I had very modest means during my childhood, but don’t ever remember having less than what I needed. My father had one job for 32 years; and worked his way from sweeping the docks to credit manager for a drafting supply company in downtown LA. My mother needed to work but didn’t want to be away from home. So, she took care of ten children each day for divorced mothers who had to work outside the home.
Interestingly, my mother allowed me to start my first business in the fourth grade— even though it was against school policy. I saved money redeeming old Coke bottles for three cents each, and on one trip to Smart & Final, (which sold only wholesale back in those days), I bought a box of Baby Ruth candy bars. At that time, a candy bar sold for a nickel in the store, but when buying the whole box, they were three cents each. Since candy was not sold at school, I determined I could get quite a mark-up as the only supplier! I sold the candy bars for fifteen cents each and sold out my first box in a week. I bought four boxes the next time I went to Smart & Final and took a box to school each morning. When I arrived at the bike rack, I immediately sold out as kids rushed to see me. As a side benefit, I thought I was the most popular kid at school!
Even though this was against school policy, my mother must have decided to encourage my entrepreneurial thinking. In every grade thereafter, I came up with a new profitable new business.
My Family
Kathy and I have been married since 1983, and have three children—Ashley, Paul Jr., and Lindsey. We are blessed to have all three of them residing in Southern California, which affords us the opportunity of being together weekly.
Our daughter, Lindsey, married Matt Haugen in 2017, and have blessed us with two grandchildren, (with a third on the way), —Hudson Matthew and Gwendalyn Elizabeth. Our son, Paul Jr., married Katie Carter on March 2, 2019. They have blessed us with a grandson who was named after me, (completely to my surprise), naming him Paul Allen Neff, III.
I had always heard how wonderful it is to have grandchildren, and both Kathy and I have found it so much better than we ever imagined! We find it difficult to go on any lengthy vacation, as we can’t stand to be away from the grandkids!
Mariners Church
I have been actively involved in Mariners Church since 1988. I’ve served on the Elder Board, Chairman of the Executive Council, Finance Committee, Budget Committee, and Outreach Advisory Board.
I’ve been a member of the Group of Six since 1988 and have been a member of Kenton Beshore’s accountability group since 1999. My wife and I have done extensive mission travel with Kenton and Laurie Beshore, as well as five trips to Israel.
Servant's Heart Foundation
Kathy and I founded Servant’s Heart Foundation, Inc., in 1992—a private charitable foundation focusing on reaching the world for Christ by supporting Christian ministry activities world-wide.
Our main giving focal points are ministries that specialize in one or more of the following areas:
- Holistic ministries that – serve the poor and needy by providing/meeting their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs emphasizing teaching them to fish versus providing fish.
- Evangelism
- Leadership development – a focus on educating, equipping, encouraging, and protecting pastors and Christian leaders around the world.
We feel called to help smaller ministries who are having an amazing Kingdom impact but are finding it difficult to expand their donor base or are simply just not on the radar of many donors. We enjoy coming alongside ministries for a few years helping them grow from where they currently are to their next level of ministry impact. We find smaller organizations to be more efficient and better positioned to stretch their ministry dollars.
Our goal is to help ministries not only meet the need of their ministry’s focus, but to strengthen the local church at the same time. We believe God has been, and continues to change the world through the local church; therefore, it is highly favorable any time our gift can meet the intended need and strengthen the local church.
The foundation strives to distribute its resources in a manner that will increase and strengthen ministries devoted to sharing Christ’s love and doing excellent Kingdom work.
I am blessed to mentor many of the CEO’s of the ministries I work with around the world.
Genesee Home
From 2003-2015, Kathy and I operated Genesee Home, a ministry serving pastoral couples, offering them a Sabbath rest, time alone with God and each other, and a chance to refresh and restore.
We completely restored the original Victorian home, situated on a portion of the Neff Family Ranch. The home served as the basis for the ministry which hosted five pastors and their spouse each week. An on-staff host couple and executive chef helped provide a five-star experience. Overall, Genesee Home served 38 Christian denominations and over 1,500 pastoral couples.
Loving Hearts Babies Home
In 2009, Kathy and I, (together with African Renewal Ministries), opened Loving Hearts Babies Home near Kampala, Uganda. The ministry takes in orphaned and abandoned babies and nurses them back to full health. A significant effort is put forth to locate and reunite the baby with extended family members who might be interested in caring for the child. If a family cannot be found or is not in a position to care for the child, they look for a fostering opportunity or in-country adoption. If none of those options are viable, they connect the child with a Christian family in the U.S. interested in adopting. The ministry has now served over 500 babies.
Real Estate
I began my career in real estate in 1976 while attending Pasadena City College. After graduation from PCC, I went on to attend the University of Southern California where I majored in Business Administration with an emphasis on real estate financing.
I was the Senior Partner and 50% owner of a company that focused on the purchase of distressed income-producing properties, correction of the problems, and subsequent sale of each property. I researched, evaluated, and negotiated the acquisition and subsequent sale of 24 real estate investments which included over 500 apartment units and 100,000 square-feet office and retail complexes in California, Arizona and Washington. In addition, my business partner and I shared total responsibility for property management and refurbishment of all investments.
Bankers Mutual
During that time, Bankers Mutual was recognized for the following achievements:
- • #1 apartment lender in California
- • Not a single delinquent loan in our $3 billion portfolio
- • Funding over $1 billion in apartment loans in one year
- • Financing the single largest apartment loan on the West Coast at $175,000,000 and the Irvine Company’s apartment portfolio for $343,000,000.
I sold Bankers Mutual in 1998 and am currently involved in both philanthropic work and personal investing. I am also the CEO of PK Partners, Inc., responsible for establishing interim and long-term goals and investment and lending strategies. Additionally, I am responsible for the management and direction of five personally owned Limited Liability Companies operating in all arenas including lending portfolio, diversified investment portfolio, and real estate management.
Businesses I Have Started
| Business | Age | Length of Operation |
| Retail candy sales | 9 | 1 year |
| Retail jewelry products | 10 | 1 year |
| Gardening business | 11 | 2 years |
| Black & White film processing and developing | 12 | 1 year |
| Janitorial business for offices | 13 | 2 years |
| Butcher/meat cutter | 15 | 3 years |
| Wholesale meat business | 17 | 1 year |
| Delicatessen | 18 | 3 years |
| Real estate income property development | 19 | 5 years |
| Oil & gas leasing/royalties | 19 | 5 years |
| Banker’s Mutual – mortgage banking corporation | 24 | 18 years |
| Servant’s Heart Foundation | 37 | Ongoing |
| Cattle business | 43 | 12 years |
| Retail organic meat business | 48 | 6 years |
| LifeLight Financial | 63 | Ongoing |
| Diversified investment portfolio (real estate, oil & gas, venture capital, stocks, bonds, lending, hedge funds, business start-ups) | Most of my life | Ongoing |
Cancer Diagnosis
On December 9th, 2012, I was diagnosed with Stage-4 neck cancer. After considering the best options for treatment in Southern California, Kathy and I visited MD Anderson in Houston and were immediately convinced it was the place to fight cancer. Along with our youngest daughter Lindsey, we moved to Houston for three months for surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy. Although treatment brought 19 side effects for a very challenging journey, I will tell you that the year I fought cancer was one of the best years of my life!
I saw many miracles happen before my own eyes, tangibly felt the power of prayer and the love of family and friends. In addition, I was given a wake-up call and the opportunity to make changes on how I was investing my time, talent, and treasures.
I have written an article titled “Live Like You Were Dying” that summarizes 35 changes I am making to my life as a result of this experience.
Travel Adventures
I was born with an extreme sense of adventure and a desire to travel the world. Thus far, I’ve been to 122 countries, including 28 cruises with Kathy, (the longest being 100 days).
Some of my adventure highlights include:
- Witnessed the Great Migration, Kenya
- Hiked to meet the mountain gorillas of Uganda up close
- Landed on an aircraft carrier and spent 24 hours watching operations, night ops, strategizing in the war room and hanging out with the crew. We were in the trenches literally 50 feet from jets landing and taking off.
- Hot air ballooned over the Valley of Kings, Egypt
- Played with penguins in Antarctica and swam in the ocean at the polar circle
- Rode elephant back on a Tiger safari in India
- Repelled down a cavern in an ice glacier, Norway
- Actually flew a Russian Mig fighter jet
- Whitewater rafted for 2 weeks the entire Grand Canyon
- Rode donkeys up 1,000 steps Petra, Jordan
- Helicoptered to Mt. Everest base camp
- Hiked 15 miles to Trolltunga, Norway
- Rode a Sea-Doo from Long Beach to Catalina and back
- Climbed an ice waterfall in Alaska
- 100-mile snowmobile adventure in the Sierras
- Served with ministries in the Kibera slums, Nairobi
- Many safaris throughout Africa
- Skied the Olympic downhill run in Innsbruck
- Scuba dove in the Great Barrier Reef, Australia
- Explored the Witch Doctors Voodoo Market, Cameroon, Africa
- Canyon swinging in Switzerland
- Explored the Thieves Market, Mumbai/Bombay, India
- Paraglided over Interlaken, Switzerland
- Charmed cobra snakes in Marrakech
- Jumped off the space needle Auckland, NZ
- Climbed to the top of the Sydney bridge, Australia
- Walked with lions in Zambia
- Searched for polar bears in Spitzbergen, Norway
- Helicoptered over the Napali Coast in Hawaii
- Searched for Komodo dragons in the wild, Indonesia
- Dog sledded in Alaska
- Went zip lining through treetops in Alaska and Switzerland
- Swam with sharks in Tahiti
- Explored the back streets of Kathmandu, Nepal
- Rode a bike in the streets of New Delhi, India
- Viewed Victoria Falls from a helicopter
- Climbed Table Mountain, Cape Town South Africa
- Got spiritual on the Ganges River, India
- At the age of 22 took delivery of a Porsche Turbo Carrera at the Stuttgart Germany Porsche factory and drove 159 miles per hour on the Autobahn
- Via Ferrata rock climbing in Lima Peru, Ogden Utah
- 100 mile ATV ride through the Northern Sierras
- Singletrack mountain bike riding over a 1,000 miles
- Cat Skiing on Powder Mountain, Utah
- The great migration up-close observing a wildebeest losing to a crocodile in a river crossing – Tanzania
- Inner tube fly fishing on a high mountain lake in the Sierras
- Rappelling down a 300 ft. rock face
- Slid down an Olympic ski jump on an inner tube at 45 miles per hour
- Landed on top of the Bank America building in downtown Los Angeles in the bank’s helicopter for an interview with bank executives to expand my warehouse line of credit
- Walked on water in the Sea of Galilee, Israel, water skiing
- Climb to the top of Masada, Israel
- Travelled in the tunnels from the Vietnam War – Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam
- Enjoyed dinner outside on the edge of a rooftop of a 63 stories building in Bangkok Thailand
- Kathy and I spent 24 hours alone in a junk boat on Ha Long Bay Vietnam
- Dog sledding on a Glacier in Alaska
- Shortly after getting my private pilot’s license, landed on the postage stamp runway on Catalina Island
- Kathy and I missed a cruise ship in Gola India and were stranded with nothing but a bathing suit and T-shirt, and had to find our way to catch up to the cruise ship in Mumbai
- Raced stock cars with Paul Jr. in Las Vegas, Nevada
- Gambled in the Monte Carlo Casino and came away a big winner – France
- Flew in a helicopter over an active volcano on the big island of Hawaii
- Sea Kayak with Ashley and penguins in Antarctica
I have traveled to 123 countries in my lifetime and each one was an interesting adventure.
The Mentorship Program
This blog is an extension of my heart for helping others grow. God has richly blessed me, and the aim of my life is to make good on the investment He has given me by offering something to the next generation of leaders.
I began mentoring other men informally over 30 years ago, thinking I might take a more formal approach when I was much older and wiser. At the age of 57, I was diagnosed with neck cancer and told I might only have 3 years to live. That changed everything.
During the 90 days of surgeries, chemo, and radiation, I journaled, reflected, and prayed a great deal. One of the things I heard God say to me was, “Why are you waiting so long to get serious about your mentoring?”
As soon as I physically recovered from the ordeal, I chose six men in their 30’s and began my first mentoring group. We met for 18 months and completed 25 three-hour sessions together, covering over 100 topics inspired by my life experiences. This time has been enjoyable and invaluable; we have learned a great deal from each other. This year marks the end of my fourth group – over the last seven years, I have mentored 24 men.
My ultimate goal is to mentor a total of 10 groups totaling 60 guys. I have found that a group of six is the right size for me to maintain the ideal level of familiarity and mutual encouragement. This means I will only be privileged to mentor a small group of men during my lifetime.
With the desire to extend these conversations to a greater audience, I birthed this mentoring blog. One reason for doing this is to extend the success already experienced by my mentor classes and make this knowledge accessible to as many as possible. Even though a lot of my content is geared towards men – women are welcome here too. I hope you find what I share useful to your own personal journey and it enriches the relationships with men in your life.
Although it doesn’t replace the value of 100 hours of in-person discussion, it’s the next best thing I can offer. I hope and pray that many will follow along with my blog and find it to be insightful, beneficial, and meaningful.
If you ever have a specific question about anything you read here, or even about anything you are thinking about as you mature in Christ, please feel free to reach out and ask. I would love to hear from you!
My Goals For This Blog
Hindsight is a beautiful thing in life, but we only tend to get it after we’ve lived through a certain situation or experience. What I hope to do through this blog is share with you 40 plus years of hindsight I’ve acquired.
When I was in my 30’s, I never had anyone older I was learning from on a regular basis. I have always believed you can learn a lot from someone a season or two ahead of you.
My goal is to be transparent with you. Sharing my areas of struggle as well as areas that have worked well. What I’ve learned the hard way and what I’ve been gifted to know.
I hope our time together through this blog can potentially reduce the number of regrets you might have as you go through life. I will share a great deal of my experiences and lessons in my different roles as a husband, father, friend, and entrepreneur. Each of them is critically important, requires great work and effort; but is extremely rewarding.
I pray our conversations will provoke some thinking that will cause you to change a little bit. By shifting one’s trajectory a little at a time, over the balance of your life, the impact on yourself and those around you can be huge.
A well-planned life has a lot of dividends. Even though it doesn’t always go as planned, goals make it clear where you’re going; and when you get there, you can take the time and celebrate.
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