Fix-It Man

When dealing with conflict in your family and marriage, have you ever mumbled the words, “I can fix it!”?

For men, in particular, the go-to solution is to fix the problem and move on. It’s difficult to remove themselves from the situation and realize they simply can’t fix everything in life. If this describes you, please know you aren’t alone. Most husbands I know feel a lot of pressure to fix their wives’ problems – even when some things aren’t theirs to fix.

I pray this blog post will help you realize you can’t fix everything in your family, marriage and life, but you can still be a supportive husband and father.

So, put your “fix-it” nature aside and take a look at three things to remember when trying to be a fix-it man.

 

Being “Fix-It” Men Is in Our Nature

Most of us spend a portion of our day fixing, repairing, and solving problems. This can lead to feeling like the problem solver in every situation. One example might be your wife’s relationships – especially with her family. In this instance, it’s important to support her and back her, but ultimately let her find her own solutions.

One reason this is so important is because you don’t want to let anyone or anything get between you and your wife. Tough family issues can drive a wedge in your marriage faster than anything. I suggest sticking by her side and supporting her without moving into “fix-it” mode.

When my wife tells me she has a relationship issue, and I jump into fixing it, I am actually choosing sides. It’s always best to hear her out first, then try to connect with her on an emotional level. Here are a few ways to do that:

• Ask her how she feels.
• Listen without interrupting.
• Respond with how you feel without offering a solution.

Most importantly, avoid telling your wife how she should feel regarding the situation and don’t make her feel bad for feeling the way she does.

Even though it’s in our nature to fix things and move on, try to approach your marriage and family issues with a listening ear, encouraging words, and a supportive attitude. My wife would say this is much more beneficial than being the fix-it man.

You Can’t Fix Everything

I’ve always been a problem solver, and that’s how I went into my marriage. I was happy to find solutions to problems, and my wife was always happy to have me solve them! Early on in our marriage, my wife went through a season where she was extremely frustrated with one of her close family members, and they weren’t getting along well. Their communication had broken down. At that time, I worked hard to help mend the relationship. I even orchestrated two sit-down, candid discussions with everyone involved, but nothing succeeded.

A good friend of mine once counseled me and said I should get out of the fix-it business and allow my wife to manage her own relationships. I was told that if I stayed out of it completely and left it up to my wife, she would find her way through it and would mend the relationship on her own terms. Well, I did as he recommended, and within just a couple of months, it turned out really well. Me stepping back and supporting my wife was one of the best decisions I made.

If you’re in the mindset that it’s your job to fix everything in your family and marriage, I encourage you to let that mindset go. Instead, I ask you to prayerfully consider the best way to help without trying to force a certain outcome. Often, this involves stepping back, evaluating the truth of the matter, realizing you can’t change people, and supporting your spouse above all others. Remember, it’s okay to set reasonable boundaries in your marriage and resist the urge to jump in and fix every issue. After all, it’s not your job to fix everything.

Sometimes, Not Offering a Solution Is the Best Solution

If we, as the fix-it-man, do not offer a solution, it then allows others in our life to think through things, pray about them, and eventually figure them out. We can still be supportive while letting things play out as they should.

Here are some situations where not offering a solution might be the best option:

• When our wives need to be the one to do or say hard things
• When our children need to make a healthy decision for themselves
• When our coworkers need to think things through on their own
• When family members need to forgive and move forward

Not offering a solution goes against our fix-it man nature, but sometimes, it’s the best thing we can do. I hope you’re starting to realize that being a fix-it man isn’t a healthy mindset to have, and can actually cause more harm than good.

Of course, wisdom and discernment are needed here as there are times you’ll be able to offer real-life solutions that are God-honoring and good for your family. I encourage you to proceed with caution and instead focus on being a supportive husband and father without feeling the need to fix everything.

ACTION STEP:

Choose one current conflict in your marriage and purpose to be supportive without being a fix-it man.

What are your thoughts on what I’ve shared today? Please let me know by putting it in the comments section. Your feedback could help another reader.