AS IRON SHARPENS IRON, SO ONE MAN SHARPENS ANOTHER

Famous words that we’ve heard spoken several times; but not the easiest to live out. The thought of being accountable to a fellow person or group of people can often seem daunting. Can you be bold enough to share openly? How deep and how vulnerable should you be? Can you trust them with all this information about you? The reasons to not be accountable are endless; but I’ve come to learn, through experience, the benefits far outweigh the risks.
For over twenty-five years I have been part of two men’s support groups and also have separate relationships with several individuals who I am accountable to. Twenty-five years is a long time to walk together and here are just a few of the benefits I’ve enjoyed and the reason why I’ve remained part of them:

BROTHERLY LOVE AND SUPPORT

“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”

Ecclesiastes 4:12

When we meet, we don’t just come together to get caught up, but we are intentional about our time. We have walked with each other through mountains and valleys; sharing deeply meaningful and personal issues to do with our children, families, business, and life. Our wives are great friends, and we even raised our children together. We’ve got a lot of shared history between us. Knowing that I have the support of these men behind me, has given me strength and fortitude particularly during tougher seasons.

PUSHED BEYOND MY SINGULAR THINKING

Accountability is humbling. Inviting someone to come in and walk with you is not easy. Hard questions are not fun to ask, and neither are they fun to answer. Our nature as humans is to be liked and not offend – so anything in that vicinity is generally avoided. But I’ve learned to grow and gain wisdom, you’ve got to have a place in your life with men that will ask you the hard questions. Besides my wife, Kathy, and my children, I know I also need to answer to my group. Knowing this, gives me an additional level of awareness and responsibility.

I have a couple of close friends who have seen everything in my world. They know my personal expenditures, investments, tax returns, giving, the whole picture. How we manage our finances is critical; and having a trusted friends’ perspective to ensure it’s in alignment with your values – is invaluable. In addition, one of them knows everything else about me. My marriage, business, health, issues, everything. I am 100% myself with him. I know I can speak all my truth and it’s safe with him. It’s worked well for us because it’s been reciprocal; we’re holding each other accountable. 

To lead a life of significance and be an impactful leader, growth is essential. I am so good at seeing things through my lenses, from my own point of view, but having a consistent, candid perspective from those that know us and care for us has proven to be invaluable. I understand it’s hard to be vulnerable, fully open and trust another person with all your personal information – especially financial. In fact, it doesn’t feel natural. However, I want to encourage you to lean in and take the risk. Try it. It may feel awkward at first, but as you both continue to openly share, over time you shall reap the fruits and enjoy the comfort, peace of mind and assurance that you truly are living out your values.

GROWING IN WISDOM

Our main priority in our meetings has been speaking in truth and holding one another accountable. Our faith and spiritual focus are what have anchored us, and we spend time in God’s word – reading, discussing and praying for each other. This focus has given us a great foundation to build on over the years.

The world drives us to solitude. Convincing us it’s easier and better to walk alone. But this is a dangerous path. Good leaders surround themselves with great people. Being intentional with our meetings and remaining committed has not only benefitted me personally, but my marriage, family and faith have also gained.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

ACTION STEPS:

To close today, I have 3 questions for you to reflect on:

1. What walls have you put up around yourself that are blocking you from being more open with those you trust? Are you aware of your own areas of weakness?
2. Who have you given permission in your life to ask the tough questions, seek understanding and walk with you?
3. Would you consider identifying one trusted, wise friend whom you can share your entire financial picture with? I appreciate it’s not easy to share details of your life, but I encourage you to lean in; the reward will greatly outweigh the risk. 

I’ve included a handout titled Building Support Groups that has some additional notes and tips on what has worked for us as a group over the years. Please take a look at it.

To survive and thrive as men, fathers, husbands, brothers and leaders in our families, careers and communities; I find it takes good support from other men; and life is much better with good support.