TIME – HOW SMALL INVESTMENTS EQUAL BIG RETURNS

I missed so much by not being home to see the children grow and develop.

Billy Graham

Most fathers start with the mindset, I want to be a good dad. They desire to be hands-on dads who invest in their children’s lives. For many, it’s natural for them to want to connect with their kids from the first moment they lay eyes on them.

But as time goes on, and life gets busy, a father’s good intentions can become just that—intentions. The follow-through becomes more and more difficult, and before they know it, their kids are grown up and gone.

I believe dads tend to make this far more difficult than it needs to be. Many approach investing in their kids as all-or-nothing, when, in reality, it’s the small moments that count. Let me remind you that minutes add up to hours and hours add up to days. Spending both quality and quantity time with your kids is important, and those small investments add up to big returns.

If you’ve been wondering how to make small investments of time in your kids’ lives, here are a few ways I encourage you to connect with them on a regular basis:

INVOLVE THEM IN WHAT YOU ARE ALREADY DOING

Time spent with your kids doesn’t require elaborate planning. Often, you can involve them in what you’re already doing.

From my experience, daughters thrive on sweet moments of affirmation and connection. This can be as simple as taking evening walks together, or making pancakes on a Saturday morning. Girls just want to feel cherished by their daddies and know they can count on them for anything.

As I’ve raised my own sons, I’ve seen how boys look to their dads for validation and guidance. Often, they just want to tag along and do what their dads do. I suggest letting them help you with things around the house and even involving them in your business.

In my opinion, involving your kids in your business is a vital piece of the puzzle. Visits to the office, tag-alongs while running errands, and even assigning your kids small tasks such as stuffing envelopes can be a great way to spend time together while still getting things done. 

Educate your family on how your business works. It’s also beneficial to share your work goals with your kids and let them know when you’ve achieved them. Celebrate your wins together as a family. The main thing is not to let your company be perceived as a negative. By proactively involving your family in your business, you’re creating an atmosphere of invitation and inclusion.

I encourage you to resist the temptation to keep your kids at arm’s length while running your business or working around the house. By involving them in what you are already doing, you’ll increase your time spent with them—exponentially—and they’ll learn valuable skill sets along the way.

*For more ideas on spending time with your kids, here are two handouts called How to Be Your Little Man’s Dad and How to Be Your Daughter’s Daddy. 

TEACH THEM WHAT THE LORD IS TEACHING YOU

It is worth everything you can do to pour into your children and give them a great spiritual foundation. I believe the number one responsibility is to be the spiritual leader in your family. However, it’s not always easy!

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today.  

Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.

In my opinion, sharing God’s Word with your kids doesn’t have to be structured or formal. It’s often the everyday discussions about God that have the most impact. For example: When God answers your prayers, share those answers with your children. Tell them how God is working in your life and giving you direction. Ask them questions about their own Spiritual walk. Get them thinking about their relationship with the Lord and how He is working in their life.

The thing is, you’ll need to be intentional about having mindful conversations with your kids. Otherwise, the stuff of life will fill up your time. Commit to teaching your children what the Lord is teaching you, and be intentional about nurturing their Spiritual walk.

ASK ABOUT THEIR LIFE

Most kids love to talk about their friends, their hobbies, and their life in general. Ask about what’s going on in their life, and let them vent about their struggles at school or frustrations with friends. Just as we need a safe person (our wives) to vent to, our kids need a listening ear as well.

Here are a few conversation starters to help:

• What did you like most about your day and what did you like the least?
• Did you get a chance to help or serve someone today?
• How are your friends doing? Anything new?

The older kids get, the more they tend to close up about their feelings and experiences. That’s why,  I highly suggest you communicate with your children about everyday life and keep the lines of communication open. 

From my experience, kids tend to pull away from their moms during adolescence, but not their dads. While this can be painful for mothers, I believe it’s an opportunity for fathers to continue communicating and pouring into their teens and preteens. 

Spend time every day asking about your children’s lives. Turn off all distractions and really listen. This will set the stage for life-long conversations, and your kids will gravitate towards you knowing you’ll give them your full attention.

*For additional ideas on how to have meaningful conversations with your kids, here is a handout called Conversation Starters for Parents and Kids.

CREATE NEW TRADITIONS

Whether you’re a traditional kind of guy or not, it’s important to create a few simple traditions that are unique to your family. These can be seasonal, holiday-related, sports-themed, or any kind of tradition your kids will enjoy.

Holiday Fun:

One cool “father idea” I implemented every Christmas was to take the child’s biggest gift and come up with 6-8 clues written on sticky notes. The clues led the child to various spots around the house until they finally found their gift. 

Here are a few fun ideas for clues:

• “You don’t like loading me.”(dishwasher)
• “I am aged and getting better with time.” (wine cellar)
• “I like to tumble things.” (dryer)

It won’t take too many Christmases before your kids will look forward to—and even demand—this fun family tradition.

Date nights with daughters and outings with sons:

In my opinion, date nights for daughters are super important. When they are young, you can take more than one daughter on a date at the same time, but by the time they are teens, it’s the one-on-one dates they’ll remember most. 

Some of the best conversations happen on date nights, and daughters get to experience what it’s like to be treated like a lady. The hope is that if daughters learn how to be treated like a lady, they won’t settle for anything else. I encourage you to start father/daughter date nights at an early age and continue until they are married. Here are some ways to make date nights special:

• • Dress up.
• • Open her car door.
• • Pull out her chair.
• • Let her order from the adult menu.
• • Keep the conversation lighthearted and enjoyable.
• • Take a photo as a memento and be sure to journal the date and event.

• Spending time with sons may look different than it does with daughters, but those outings can be equally as special.  I can think of countless cool outings a father and son can do together.

Here are a few to consider:

• • Sporting events
• • Overnight camping trips
• • Hiking adventures
• • Playing catch 
• • Having fun with buddies

• The main goal in date nights with daughters and outings with sons is to have fun creating wonderful memories together—memories that will stick with them well into adulthood.

Family game nights:

From my experience, playing cards and board games is one of the best ways to spend time together and build healthy competition within the family unit. For example, teaching your kids how to play Monopoly can instill lessons about life and business. They’ll learn about real estate, buying and selling, and how to think strategically. And, the first time they beat dad at this intense game, they’ll feel like they’ve conquered the world! 

Family game nights are a source of great enjoyment, awesome conversation, and a chance to incorporate their friends into family activities. I encourage you to get those game nights scheduled and be amazed at how much your children will look forward to them year after year.

Family vacations:

Creating new traditions also includes taking family vacations. When planning trips, I suggest involving the whole family by putting it up for a vote. Bounce ideas around and let your kids feel included in the planning process. In my opinion, family vacations don’t have to be elaborate or expensive. There are plenty of weekend trips you can take that will be just as memorable as longer vacations. The important thing is to get away from the day-to-day grind and just be a family.

Indian Princesses/Indian Guides Programs:

One option for spending more time with your elementary aged kids, is to join a local Indian Princess or Indian Guide adventure program. Similar to the girl scouts/boy scouts, these programs bring dads and kids together as a way of nurturing companionship and understanding. A word of wisdom in joining one of these groups is to make sure you find a group with like-minded dads. 

GUARD FAMILY TIME AT ALL COSTS

The main thing to remember when making the investment of time in your kids’ lives, is to guard family time at all cost. As I’ve said before, both quantity and quality matters. Make sure all family events and special days are marked on the calendar as far out as possible—even if you don’t know the exact date. Have quarterly family meetings where everyone’s schedules are laid out and marked on a central calendar that everyone can see.

I highly recommend communicating clearly with your work assistant to make sure meetings and projects don’t overlap with family time. Avoid scheduling meetings after 3:30 so you can make it to their after-school events. Consider creating a time-management team to protect your family time and maximize your productivity at work. If your job demands a lot of travel, think about assigning the travel to someone else or even changing careers altogether.

For me, personally, early mornings were the best times to get work done without affecting my time with the kids. For most dads, being at home in the morning isn’t much of a relational time. Everybody is busy getting ready for school, getting lunches packed, eating breakfast, and trying to get out the door. Choosing to go into work early ensures you’ll be home for dinner every night and be able to help with homework or just hang out.

Ultimately, I believe it’s the small investments of time that make some of the biggest returns in fatherhood. A timely conversation, a date night, or a weekend camping trip become memories your children will cherish for years to come. I encourage you not to make this more complicated than it needs to be. Decide today how you will begin to invest in your children and implement a few of the ideas above. Time will be one investment you will never regret.

I hope this blog was an encouragement to you! Time management doesn’t have to be a struggle when you realize that more time with your kids is one of the best investments you can make. 

ACTION STEPS:

Would you like to invest more time in your kids’ lives? Start today, by involving them in your daily schedule. Include them in your work while impressing on them a simple lesson of faith. This is one action step that will reap big rewards!